lost_love_lost (lost_love_lost) wrote in cut_yourself,

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Life sucks!!!

life sucks!!!!!!!!!
so my life is a pill of shit, i've had a very bad past 9 years and im olny 16, and shit isn't going to get better any time soon. Why does my life have to be so screwed up? What did i do so wrong for me to have so much pain? i dont no what to do i broke up with my boyfriend after a yaer and a half, i cant stop thinking of my older brother and why it wasn't me that died instead, i can stop thinking of all the people i've lost, my so called mother is kicking me out again, i found out my so called father is still liveing in the state and hes not to far from where i live that no good abusive, alcoholic, duggy, i still dont no if i'll ever get my sister back,the only one that was ever there for me was put in a fucking group home then she ran after afew months of being in the fucked up system, my 3 year old niece goes to court this week and she has to go on stand without anyone she nos in the room but the asshole that fucking raped her, i wished so fucking much that she would forget about what happened to her but there not going to let her, i found out that the only true friend i have loves me and i dont feel the same about her but now that i no how she feels everything is changing shes the onlything that keeps me alive in this world and i dont want to loss her... What do i do? Any one thats been through any type of real pain or anyone that thinks they can help please do, i sit awake every night all night long thinking over and over about what keeps me alive and every day that list gets shorter and shorter. I don't want to give up but im so close to it with nothing stoping me... What do you do when your a 16 year old girl with no real family one real friend and pain on top of pain? How am i supossed to go to sleep every night noing that im going to wake up in the morning, to the same bullshit, the same emptieness, the same pain? i dont get it, i dont no what im liveing for but i want to give up, but then again i just want someone to tell me that its going to get better, not like i haven't heard it a million times befor but everyone just stoped saying it they found it point less to keep lieing to me, but even though i no its a lie it still gave me a slight bit of hope... and no one even cares to say it. Why does it have to be so cold when your alone?

you broke my heart as you watched me fall apart
lost in your own lies to blind to see the pain in my eyes...

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