?

Log in

Death destruction cutting and eating disorder's Journal

> recent entries
> calendar
> friends
> profile
> previous 20 entries

Wednesday, December 1st, 2010
2:14 pm - Still recruiting participants for study on self-harm
perl_sfu Hi there,

I know some members from this group have participated in our research, so I wanted to send along a quick update and to let you know that we are still recruiting participants for our research on self-harm. The Characteristics Associated with Self-Injury Study began in March 2009. Since we began, over 350 people from 18 different countries have participated in this study. 83 people are currently participating in the longitudinal portion of the study, completing questionnaires every three months. This part will help us understand patterns of self-injury over time, as well as what motivates people to recover or stop from self-injuring.

Below is some more information about the study. Please email us at perl@sfu.ca if you have any questions or if you are interested in participating!

Best wishes!
The Personality and Emotion Research Lab




***********************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************



Hello again from the Personality and Emotion Research Laboratory (PERL)!

Would you like to help us understand how to help people who self-harm? We are currently recruiting participants for the second phase of our research on self-harm, and we want your help! Participating in the study takes 2 hours, and you will receive an online gift certificate worth $10 CAD for each time point you complete, plus a chance for a $25 bonus if you complete all the follow-ups for a total of $75.

If you are interested in participating, please email us at perl@sfu.ca. All your information will be kept confidential, and no identifying information is linked to your responses.


**************************************************************
THE DETAILS:

Background Information:

Self-injury (sometimes called “self-harm”) involves harming yourself on purpose. Some examples include cutting or burning yourself, taking an overdose of pills, or banging your head. Right now, very little is known about why people start or stop self-harming. The Personality and Emotion Research Lab (PERL), a research team from Simon Fraser University in Canada, is conducting a study to learn more about the experiences of people who self-harm, and we want your help! We are interested in how emotions, life experiences, stress and coping styles affect self-harm. We hope that this research will help other people understand more about why people self-harm and what they can do to help.

What you can do:

If you want to participate in this study, you will fill out online questionnaires on self-harm, emotions, coping, symptoms, and life events. These questionnaires will take approximately 2 hour to complete. Later, you’ll have a chance to complete follow-up questionnaires over a 12 month period. Although the first session is long, the follow-up questionnaires are shorter, and usually take on 30 to 90 minutes to complete.

Who can participate:

We are looking for people who currently self-harm (whether you are trying to stop or not), AND those who have self-harmed in the past and quit.You must be at least 16 years old to participate.

What’s in it for you:

Participants who complete the questionnaires will receive a $10 (Canadian currency) gift certificate each time you complete the questionnaires (from amazon.com or PayPal). In addition, you will receive a $25 bonus if you complete all five follow-ups in the first year! Telling us about your experiences will give us important information on how self-harm changes over time, and could help develop and improve treatments for people who want to stop self-harming.

Important Information:

This study is the second phase of this line of research, and builds on the previous study. If you have already participated in our research (in a study called “Characteristics Associated with Self-Injury”), you are still eligible to complete this study.

Please contact us at perl@sfu.ca if you are interested in participating or if you have any questions.

Thank you,

Personality and Emotion Research Laboratory (PERL)
Simon Fraser University
Department of Psychology
RCB5246, 8888 University Drive
Burnaby, BC, Canada V5A 1S6

(comment on this)

Sunday, October 24th, 2010
10:25 pm - Help Us Understand Self-harm
perl_sfu  Hello again from the Personality and Emotion Research Laboratory (PERL)!

Would you like to help us understand how to help people who self-harm? We are currently recruiting participants for the second phase of our research on self-harm, and we want your help! We are looking for people who have self-injured, whether you are currently trying to stop or not, to complete questionnaires every 3 months for one year to understand patterns of self-harm over time. Participating in the study takes 2 hours, and you will receive an online gift certificate worth $5 CAD for each time point you complete, plus a chance for a $25 bonus if you complete all the follow-ups over one year for a total of $50.

If you are interested in participating, please email us at emotion@sfu.ca. All your information will be kept confidential, and no identifying information is linked to your responses.


**************************************************************
THE DETAILS:

Background Information:

Self-injury (sometimes called “self-harm”) involves harming yourself on purpose. Some examples include cutting or burning yourself, taking an overdose of pills, or banging your head. Right now, very little is known about why people start or stop self-harming. The Personality and Emotion Research Lab (PERL), a research team from Simon Fraser University in Canada, is conducting a study to learn more about the experiences of people who self-harm, and we want your help! We are interested in how emotions, life experiences, stress and coping styles affect self-harm. We hope that this research will help other people understand more about why people self-harm and what they can do to help.

What you can do:

If you want to participate in this study, you will fill out online questionnaires on self-harm, emotions, coping, symptoms, and life events. These questionnaires will take approximately 2 hour to complete. Later, you’ll have a chance to complete follow-up questionnaires over a 12 month period. Although the first session is long, the follow-up questionnaires are shorter, and usually take on 30 to 90 minutes to complete.

Who can participate:

We are looking for people who currently self-harm (whether you are trying to stop or not), AND those who have self-harmed in the past and quit.You must be at least 16 years old to participate.

What’s in it for you:

Participants who complete the questionnaires will receive a $5 (Canadian currency) gift certificate each time you complete the questionnaires (from amazon.com or PayPal). In addition, you will receive a $25 bonus if you complete all five follow-ups in the first year! Telling us about your experiences will give us important information on how self-harm changes over time, and could help develop and improve treatments for people who want to stop self-harming.

Important Information:

This study is the second phase of this line of research, and builds on the previous study. If you have already participated in our research (in a study called “Characteristics Associated with Self-Injury”), you are still eligible to complete this study.

Please contact us at emotion@sfu.ca if you are interested in participating or if you have any questions.

Thank you,

Personality and Emotion Research Laboratory (PERL)
Simon Fraser University
Department of Psychology
RCB5246, 8888 University Drive
Burnaby, BC, Canada V5A 1S6

(comment on this)

Tuesday, July 27th, 2010
2:36 pm - Please Help Researchers Understand Self-harm
perl_sfu
Hello again from the Personality and Emotion Research Laboratory (PERL)!

Would you like to help us understand how to help people who self-harm? We are currently recruiting participants for the second phase of our research on self-harm, and we want your help! Participating in the study takes only 90 minutes, and you will be entered into a draw to win one of five prizes of $150 CAD. If you are interested, please email us at chapman_lab@sfu.ca. All your information will be kept confidential, and no identifying information is linked to your responses.

**************************************************************
THE DETAILS:

Background Information: Self-injury (sometimes called “self-harm”) involves harming yourself on purpose. Some examples include cutting or burning yourself, taking an overdose of pills, or banging your head. Right now, very little is known about why people start or stop self-harming. The Personality and Emotion Research Lab (PERL), a research team from Simon Fraser University in Canada, is conducting a study to learn more about the experiences of people who self-harm, and we want your help! We are interested in how emotions, life experiences, stress and coping styles affect self-harm. We hope that this research will help other people understand more about why people self-harm and what they can do to help.

What you can do: If you want to participate in this study, you will fill out online questionnaires on self-harm, emotions, coping, symptoms, and life events. These questionnaires will take approximately 90 minutes to complete.

Who can participate: We are looking for people who currently self-harm (whether you are trying to stop or not), AND those who have self-harmed in the past and quit.

What’s in it for you: Participants who complete the questionnaires will be entered in a draw to win one of five prizes of $150 CAD. Telling us about your experiences will give us important information on how self-harm changes over time, and could help develop and improve treatments for people who want to stop self-harming.

Important Information: This study is the second phase of this line of research, and builds on the previous study. If you have already participated in our research (in a study called “Characteristics Associated with Self-Injury”), you are still eligible to complete this study.


Please contact us at chapman_lab@sfu.ca if you are interested in participating or if you have any questions.

Thank you,

Personality and Emotion Research Laboratory (PERL)
Simon Fraser University
Department of Psychology
RCB5246, 8888 University Drive
Burnaby, BC, Canada V5A 1S6

(1 comment | comment on this)

Sunday, July 25th, 2010
11:43 am - Volunteers Needed for a Research Study on Self Injury

odu_researcher
Dear LJ Community,
 
The recruitment for our self injury study is now complete.
 
Thank you for your support of our research. Please feel free to email me with any questions you may have.
 
Sincerely,
 
~Tatyana Kholodkov
Graduate Student
Old Dominion University 

(comment on this)

Wednesday, April 14th, 2010
10:29 am - Please Help Researchers Understand Self-harm
perl_sfu

 

 
Hello from the Personality and Emotion Research Laboratory (PERL)!

We're entering our last couple weeks of recruitment for our current study on self-harm.  A big thank you to those of you who have already participated in this research, your input and willingness to share your experiences with us is incredibly valuable!  To those who still want to participate, just send us an email at chapman_lab@sfu.ca.  You can find a bit more information about the study below.

Thanks again, and best wishes!

The Personality and Emotion Research Lab

*****************************************************************************************************

 

Would you like to help us understand how to help people who self-harm?

 

Self-injury (sometimes called “self-harm”) involves harming yourself on purpose. Some examples include cutting or burning yourself, taking an overdose of pills, or banging your head. Right now, very little is known about why people start or stop self-harming. The Personality and Emotion Research Lab (PERL), a research team from Simon Fraser University in Canada, is conducting a study to learn more about the experiences of people who self-harm, and we want your help!  We are interested in how emotions, life experiences, stress and coping styles affect self-harm. We hope that this research will help other people understand more about why people self-harm and what they can do to help. 

 

What you can do: If you want to participate in this study, you will fill out online questionnaires on self-harm, emotions, coping, symptoms, and life events. These questionnaires will take approximately 2 hours to complete.  

 

Who can participate: We are looking for people who currently self-harm (whether you are trying to stop or not) AND those who have self-harmed in the past and quit.

 

What’s in it for you: Participants who complete the questionnaires will be paid $5 CAD (money transfers via PayPal). You can also choose to participate in our long-term study, where you will fill out a shorter version of the questionnaires every three months for two years. You will be paid $5 CAD each time you complete a set of questionnaires (about 30 min each), and you will get a $15 CAD bonus once you have completed all 9 sets for a total of $60 CAD. Telling us about your experiences will give us important information on how self-harm changes over time, and could help develop and improve treatments for people who want to stop self-harming.

 

Please contact us at perl@sfu.ca if you are interested in participating or if you have any questions.

 

Thank you,

 

Personality and Emotion Research Laboratory (PERL)

Simon Fraser University

Department of Psychology
RCB5246, 8888 University Drive
Burnaby, BC, Canada V5A 1S6


(comment on this)

Wednesday, March 31st, 2010
2:21 pm - Help Researchers Understand Self-harm
perl_sfu
 
Hello again from the Personality and Emotion Research Laboratory (PERL)!

Would you like to help us understand how to help people who self-harm? We are currently recruiting participants for the second phase of our research on self-harm, and we want your help! Participating in the study takes only 90 minutes, and you will be entered into a draw to win one of five prizes of $150 CAD. If you are interested, please email us at chapman_lab@sfu.ca. All your information will be kept confidential, and no identifying information is linked to your responses.

**************************************************************
THE DETAILS:

Background Information: Self-injury (sometimes called “self-harm”) involves harming yourself on purpose. Some examples include cutting or burning yourself, taking an overdose of pills, or banging your head. Right now, very little is known about why people start or stop self-harming. The Personality and Emotion Research Lab (PERL), a research team from Simon Fraser University in Canada, is conducting a study to learn more about the experiences of people who self-harm, and we want your help! We are interested in how emotions, life experiences, stress and coping styles affect self-harm. We hope that this research will help other people understand more about why people self-harm and what they can do to help.

What you can do: If you want to participate in this study, you will fill out online questionnaires on self-harm, emotions, coping, symptoms, and life events. These questionnaires will take approximately 90 minutes to complete.

Who can participate: We are looking for people who currently self-harm (whether you are trying to stop or not), AND those who have self-harmed in the past and quit.

What’s in it for you: Participants who complete the questionnaires will be entered in a draw to win one of five prizes of $150 CAD. Telling us about your experiences will give us important information on how self-harm changes over time, and could help develop and improve treatments for people who want to stop self-harming.

Important Information: This study is the second phase of this line of research, and builds on the previous study. If you have already participated in our research (in a study called “Characteristics Associated with Self-Injury”), you are still eligible to complete this study.


Please contact us at chapman_lab@sfu.ca if you are interested in participating or if you have any questions.

Thank you,

Personality and Emotion Research Laboratory (PERL)
Simon Fraser University
Department of Psychology
RCB5246, 8888 University Drive
Burnaby, BC, Canada V5A 1S6

(comment on this)

Wednesday, December 23rd, 2009
10:13 pm - Help Researchers Understand Self-harm
perl_sfu Hello again from the Personality and Emotion Research Laboratory (PERL)!

Would you like to help us understand how to help people who self-harm?

We are currently recruiting participants for the second phase of our research on self-harm, and we want your help! Participating in the study takes only 90 minutes, and you will be entered into a draw to win one of five prizes of $150 CAD. If you are interested, please email us at chapman_lab@sfu.ca. All your information will be kept confidential, and no identifying information is linked to your responses.

**************************************************************
THE DETAILS:

Background Information:
Self-injury (sometimes called “self-harm”) involves harming yourself on purpose. Some examples include cutting or burning yourself, taking an overdose of pills, or banging your head. Right now, very little is known about why people start or stop self-harming. The Personality and Emotion Research Lab (PERL), a research team from Simon Fraser University in Canada, is conducting a study to learn more about the experiences of people who self-harm, and we want your help! We are interested in how emotions, life experiences, stress and coping styles affect self-harm. We hope that this research will help other people understand more about why people self-harm and what they can do to help.

What you can do:
If you want to participate in this study, you will fill out online questionnaires on self-harm, emotions, coping, symptoms, and life events. These questionnaires will take approximately 90 minutes to complete.

Who can participate:
We are looking for people who currently self-harm (whether you are trying to stop or not), AND those who have self-harmed in the past and quit.

What’s in it for you:
Participants who complete the questionnaires will be entered in a draw to win one of five prizes of $150 CAD. Telling us about your experiences will give us important information on how self-harm changes over time, and could help develop and improve treatments for people who want to stop self-harming.

Important Information: This study is the second phase of this line of research, and builds on the previous study. If you have already participated in our research (in a study called “Characteristics Associated with Self-Injury”), you are still eligible to complete this study.


Please contact us at chapman_lab@sfu.ca if you are interested in participating or if you have any questions.

Thank you,

Personality and Emotion Research Laboratory (PERL)
Simon Fraser University
Department of Psychology
RCB5246, 8888 University Drive
Burnaby, BC, Canada V5A 1S6

(comment on this)

Wednesday, March 4th, 2009
8:15 pm - Would you like to help us understand how to help people who self-harm?
perl_sfu

Hello from the Personality and Emotion Research Laboratory (PERL)!

 

Would you like to help us understand how to help people who self-harm?

 

Self-injury (sometimes called “self-harm”) involves harming yourself on purpose. Some examples include cutting or burning yourself, taking an overdose of pills, or banging your head. Right now, very little is known about why people start or stop self-harming. The Personality and Emotion Research Lab (PERL), a research team from Simon Fraser University in Canada, is conducting a study to learn more about the experiences of people who self-harm, and we want your help!  We are interested in how emotions, life experiences, stress and coping styles affect self-harm. We hope that this research will help other people understand more about why people self-harm and what they can do to help. 

 

What you can do: If you want to participate in this study, you will fill out online questionnaires on self-harm, emotions, coping, symptoms, and life events. These questionnaires will take approximately 2 hours to complete.  

 

Who can participate: We are looking for people who currently self-harm (whether you are trying to stop or not) AND those who have self-harmed in the past and quit.

 

What’s in it for you: Participants who complete the questionnaires will be paid $5 CAD (money transfers via PayPal). You can also choose to participate in our long-term study, where you will fill out a shorter version of the questionnaires every three months for two years. You will be paid $5 CAD each time you complete a set of questionnaires (about 30 min each), and you will get a $15 CAD bonus once you have completed all 9 sets for a total of $60 CAD. Telling us about your experiences will give us important information on how self-harm changes over time, and could help develop and improve treatments for people who want to stop self-harming.

 

Please contact us at perl@sfu.ca if you are interested in participating or if you have any questions.

 

Thank you,

 

Personality and Emotion Research Laboratory (PERL)

Simon Fraser University

Department of Psychology
RCB5246, 8888 University Drive
Burnaby, BC, Canada V5A 1S6

 

 

(comment on this)

Tuesday, May 8th, 2007
5:11 pm - New Book About Cutting Released May 2007

comes_the_light
My name is Vanessa and I have struggled with anorexia for 20 years and self-injury for more than 30 years. In a quest to understand the reasons behind my behavior, I entered an intensive therapy program and the insight I gained was so valuable, I decided to share my story with others. Comes the Darkness, Comes the Light is a story of self-injury and redemption. By understanding some of the root causes behind my self-injury, I was able to go forward on a path to healing and have just celebrated my first year injury free!

I would love to have you visit my blog and respond to some of my entries!

(comment on this)

Monday, January 1st, 2007
4:54 am - possible denial

allil_de
I just joined, so hi.

My question is this:
Is it really cutting, even if you dont draw blood? If its just leaving marks and they are gone within a few days. Its no worse than having a small battle with a rose bush. But i know i need help, im not that far gone, but i feel like that if things got better...so would i.

~DE

current mood: distressed

(2 comments | comment on this)

Thursday, November 30th, 2006
5:16 pm

musecalliopeia
Hi. My name is Calli (musecalliopeia), and I am now 23 months clean of cutting!

I started cutting when I was 16. I am now 34. Prior to getting into recovery, the longest I'd been able to go without cutting was about a month and a half.

I recently opened a new self-injury recovery journal, selfinjuryanon. Please feel free to come by and check it out - anyone is welcome to join. I want this to be a safe, supportive place for people to come together and share their experiences.

I don't post about my new community to be obnoxious - I post because I'm proud of the recovery I've found, how long I've gone without hurting myself, and I want to help other people. I'm proud of the members of my new community, and the way that they are opening up to themselves, to one another, and how they are reaching for help, and reaching out to help.

See, a couple years ago, I hit bottom. Hard. And when I looked around for help, I couldn't find anything, really. There was no "self-injury [or self-mutilation or cutters, or whatever] anonymous". I talked to therapists and people who worked in the recovery community, and they didn't know of anything. So I created this community to be a safe haven for people who self-injure. There are a lot of us, and we mostly feel so very alone.

But we're not alone. We have each other, and we can help each other get through this. We all know how tough it is, and we're learning how satisfying it is to make it through.

current mood: contemplative

(comment on this)

Friday, August 25th, 2006
10:01 pm

tellme_aboutit
Go to my journal if need advice, have a question, want to share a secret, or need to rant.
I'm all ears.

(comment on this)

Sunday, July 9th, 2006
6:51 pm

soxdeviant

Hii, I'm new here.
My name is May.
I've been cutting for two years and four months.

I really need help. I want to stop cutting but I can't. I've looked through your posts and some of you mentioned how long you haven't been cutting. How do you do it?

(2 comments | comment on this)

Sunday, June 25th, 2006
5:31 am

readthroughme02
So I have this thing....but i dont know if i should neccesarily talk about it or not...but i feel like if i dont i'll explode...i cant stop thinking about it, ...or anything to do with it and this person...
I'm not saying names, cuz that would be bad. and i'm not saying sex so hopefully no1 can figure out who it is......but i have this really really close friend who i love with all my heart. this person has been having difficulty with some shit thats going on in their life lately...and they've been trying to find ways to deal with it. but nothing they do really helps...until this person did what they did the other night...this person knows that i cut, they dont approve but they have long givven up on trying to make me quit. cuz they know it wont happen unless i want it to happen...its funny, cuz this person doesnt aproove AT ALL. but i was talking to this person the other night and i could tell that something was wrong. at first they wouldnt tell me a thing just b/c they were alot of ppl around, but i finally got this person alone, and i was like "ok, so seriously. what is up, whats going on?" and they told me alot of shit that i never would have guessed was going on. i couldnt believe that they hadnt told me sooner...but i was just glad they they told me so i was like, ok, whatever. and i tried to help them deal with it...what this person told me was some shitty ass stuff about this persons bf/gf (not saying sex 'member?) had cut...so this person was pretty torn over that. this person thought that it was their fault. they thought that b/c they had told their gf/bf about me and my cutting, and that they had told their gf/bf about them wanting to cut that it was their fault that their gf/bf had cut...i'm sure it had some play in the cutting taking place. but of course i didnt tell this person that. i tried to reasure them that it wasnt their fault, that it would have happened neway....but then this person goes on to tell me that they cut too!! only once, and they said it hadnt worked very well. but they still tried and i coudl see the scratches....now, i know i was telling this person that their gf/bf cutting wasnt their fault...but this person's cutting is OBVIOUSLY MY FAULT!!! this person is around me and my cutting so much, that it musta like...rubbed off on them or somethign! or at least thats where they got the idea of cutting from! FROM ME!!! how could i do that to someone?!?!? HOW COULD I DO THAT!?!?!?!? how could i care SO LITTLE to not even....idk....care about what happened to them. what kind of role model is that?!? i'm the one that gave this person the idea of cutting. its not just a normal thought that comes at a certain age. it has to be introduced to u.
like, me...my best friend told me about her cutting. i tried it. 2 weeks later i was as bad as she was...thats where this is going. idk what i would do if this person started cutting...i dont think i could live while knowing that its my fault they got into this fucked up state...i...i just dont know what i would do...i love this person so much...i would do ANYTHING to have them take back those few scratches on their arm and never think about cutting again...but i know that wont happen..it cant happen....i just dont know what i'm going to do with my self if this goes any further...I FUCKING LOVE THEM SO MUCH!!!
UGGGGHHHH!!!!!
------------------------------------------------------------------------

current mood: aggravated

(1 comment | comment on this)

Saturday, June 17th, 2006
10:58 pm

rxysurfchic
Hey, I'm Anna-Maree, I've been a member for awhile now, but since I've been moving a lot lately I really hadn't had a chance to get on until now.
___________________________________________
Life's a bitch. I'll be the first to admit it.

I've been a cutter of four - five years and have been clean for two months. It seems like a lifetime, so I understand.

If you need someone to talk to - here I am. Bored and willing to help you at all costs. Leave a message here and I'll help

Everyone in life just needs an ear and a shoulder to cry on, let me help you.

(comment on this)

Monday, May 29th, 2006
11:27 pm - new to lj...

ana_mal
hi... i'm new to livejournal and was just looking for some kindred spirits...

i'm a cutter but haven't cut myself in 9 days (a new record haha)...

so feel free to friend me or whatever if you want.

(3 comments | comment on this)

Tuesday, May 16th, 2006
11:47 pm

ana_dream

banner.jpg



For Self Injury
Just Started Up.
Application required to keep out ignorant trolls.

(comment on this)

Tuesday, May 2nd, 2006
12:40 am - Why did i ever make you say goodbye?

lost_love_lost
How many days will I die,
before you can hear me cry?

Locked inside my mind,
screaming for help inside.
Yet keeping you blind
from the pain in my eyes
and all the tears I’ve cried.

Will I ever wake
or is this really my fate?
To forever wake
in this pain filled state.

His eyes locked with mine,
what warmth I felt inside.
The love we shared,
how it made me scared.
That now alone I cry
for I made him say
Goodbye


Oh, how I miss his kiss...
I hate lies yet I have so many of my own; I try so hard to hide from myself, afraid to see what is really left of me. I once hade someone who loved me someone who made me feel alive again but the only fear I have is of love, so I pushed him away. Why did I have to be so stupid? I’ve never been afraid of anything before, and I didn’t know how to handle it, I still don’t. But I’ve never regretted anything as much as I regret letting the love of my life go and he’ll never know…

current mood: indescribable

(1 comment | comment on this)

Saturday, April 22nd, 2006
4:18 am - Will it ever end???

lost_love_lost
How many tears must I cry,
for the darkness to pass bye.
Will I ever wake from this,
pain filled state.
Is it my own tell tail fate,
that alone I should wait.

Now I hold my tears inside,
afraid to even cry.
Lost in all the lies,
blinding myself from my own eyes.

I let the tears roll down my cheeks
forming puddles at my feet.
I pull the blade across my wrist,
as I watched the blood pour into my fist.

My death will set me free,
no longer any mystery.
The tears will stop,
when I no longer drop.

Finally it is my time to say goodbye,
for no one is left to wonder why.
Before I close my eyes,
I look to the skies.
And sing my finally lullabies….



I feel so alone in this world, no matter how tight anyone holds me I can’t stop falling. I’ve cried myself to sleep every night since I was nine, and finally after all the pain and all the hate, I stopped crying. I feel as if I’ll never cry again, like its bottling up inside of me. I don’t know how to explain it but I want to cry I cannot die while I have people that care for me, but at least before I could cry. I hated crying myself to sleep, but now I’ve forgotten what its like to sleep. What do I do, how can I make it through? Dose any one no what its like to be living your life for someone else? To wake up every morning wishing I’d die and then fall asleep every night afraid that in the morning I’ll wake. The only reason I’m still alive is because I no what it feels like to loss someone you love and even though there is only one person that loves me, I can not put them through that pain… that pain I no so well. I don’t know, im so confused. I don’t want to live this life I can’t deal with this pain anymore. HELP!!!

current mood: lonely

(6 comments | comment on this)

Tuesday, April 18th, 2006
3:59 am - Life sucks!!!

lost_love_lost
life sucks!!!!!!!!!
so my life is a pill of shit, i've had a very bad past 9 years and im olny 16, and shit isn't going to get better any time soon. Why does my life have to be so screwed up? What did i do so wrong for me to have so much pain? i dont no what to do i broke up with my boyfriend after a yaer and a half, i cant stop thinking of my older brother and why it wasn't me that died instead, i can stop thinking of all the people i've lost, my so called mother is kicking me out again, i found out my so called father is still liveing in the state and hes not to far from where i live that no good abusive, alcoholic, duggy, i still dont no if i'll ever get my sister back,the only one that was ever there for me was put in a fucking group home then she ran after afew months of being in the fucked up system, my 3 year old niece goes to court this week and she has to go on stand without anyone she nos in the room but the asshole that fucking raped her, i wished so fucking much that she would forget about what happened to her but there not going to let her, i found out that the only true friend i have loves me and i dont feel the same about her but now that i no how she feels everything is changing shes the onlything that keeps me alive in this world and i dont want to loss her... What do i do? Any one thats been through any type of real pain or anyone that thinks they can help please do, i sit awake every night all night long thinking over and over about what keeps me alive and every day that list gets shorter and shorter. I don't want to give up but im so close to it with nothing stoping me... What do you do when your a 16 year old girl with no real family one real friend and pain on top of pain? How am i supossed to go to sleep every night noing that im going to wake up in the morning, to the same bullshit, the same emptieness, the same pain? i dont get it, i dont no what im liveing for but i want to give up, but then again i just want someone to tell me that its going to get better, not like i haven't heard it a million times befor but everyone just stoped saying it they found it point less to keep lieing to me, but even though i no its a lie it still gave me a slight bit of hope... and no one even cares to say it. Why does it have to be so cold when your alone?

you broke my heart as you watched me fall apart
lost in your own lies to blind to see the pain in my eyes...


-Tiff-

current mood: depressed

(comment on this)

> previous 20 entries
> top of page
LiveJournal.com